I had a pretty crappy night. I was so upset that I forced myself to sleep around 1:30am. Only I woke an hour later still seething from the argument I had with my mother. I tried the sleep thing again around 2:45am. That lasted until 5:13am, the time of this entry. I sat here with a blank computer screen and came up with this...
When will I be able to look outside
and not see life passing me by
So many nights when I lay my head
I pray for the feeling of being dead
Will those in my world even take notice
Will I find they all had ulterior motives
Would my presence truly be missed
Would my life cause folks to stop and reminisce
I hate the way I feel
An empty shell crushed under the weight of someone's heel
Always searching for something greater
And being presented with nothing but failure
I stand beside my mother
As the backbone of the family
So much responsibility
Thrust upon me early
The weight on my shoulders
At times is tough to bare
I wonder how it would feel
For once, to just not care
To have only me to worry about
To finally begin the journey that was laid out
For me to tackle the world outside
Spread my wings and take this flight
I'm strong for all those around me
But who's my strength when I find myself in need
Am I meant to travel this path alone
Tackle the demons all on my own
If this is how its meant to be...
I will find and fulfill my destiny
I will stave off these feelings of despair
And wake one more day
To take in a breath of air.
~Ileana~
Pressed by a Fairie // 5:13 AM
