I just got through watching it again for the fifth or sixth time. I can't get enough of that movie. If it's on somewhere, I'm watching it! The story is one that is wonderful. I wonder how many people out there feel like they've found the person that makes them happy. I mean truly happy. Are you with them now? Have you ever been with them? Do they know how you feel? So many people don't speak up for fear of rejection. They figure, if they love from afar, then it's enough. Their fantasy won't be shattered by reality. Think of the time that is wasted. All the moments in life that could've been shared with that person. Is that really any way to live? Some folks would argue that they've thrown every hint out there and nothing has stuck. That's because when it comes to matters of the heart, they need to be taken care of one on one, head on. Once you've declared your feelings, it's now on the other person. You may get a positive response. They may be feeling the same way. You may not get what you wanted to hear, but at least you have something. You have an answer. Now you can move on with your life and never have to deal with the constant 'what ifs' floating around in your head. Suddenly you'll feel open to other possibilities, new experiences, and taking chances. It's really a beautiful thing.
I'm excited to report that soon I will have a full copy of The Beast's first cd!!! He told me it was supposed to have been done around mid February, but he wasn't happy with some of the tracks. He and his producer went back in and tweaked said tracks and are happy with the final result. They've been passing out demos at the clubs and colleges, and even selling a few cds here and there. BIG thangs I tell ya! I am so proud of him. I just hope his already pretty swollen head isn't any larger when I return home! I'm only joking. We talked last night. I asked how his (other) friends were reacting to the whole music thing. He said, "You know how people are when you're coming up and trying to make a name for yourself. They tell you whatever you want to hear. No one told me that the track I gave them to sample was garbage, they were blown away that I was actually in their stereo. They were only hearing me, not listening to the music." Which I countered with the fact that I told him it was crap and had no climax. That the song didn't resolve any issues... He of course said I wasn't who he was referring to. I just had to make sure ;p . I asked if anyone had told him not to forget them when he gets big and he responded with, "The only people who are ever forgotten are the ones who don't make the effort to be remembered." The man is truly amazing. Work, school, launching (trying to) a music career, friendship...when does he sleep (inside joke). Well, that's the news for now. Check in for more news, at ten to the hour, right here on LMB (Lady Musiq's Blog). Those of you who watch MTV got the joke...I hope. Night from here.
~Isla Belle~
Pressed by a Fairie // 10:57 PM
I had a pretty crappy night. I was so upset that I forced myself to sleep around 1:30am. Only I woke an hour later still seething from the argument I had with my mother. I tried the sleep thing again around 2:45am. That lasted until 5:13am, the time of this entry. I sat here with a blank computer screen and came up with this...
When will I be able to look outside
and not see life passing me by
So many nights when I lay my head
I pray for the feeling of being dead
Will those in my world even take notice
Will I find they all had ulterior motives
Would my presence truly be missed
Would my life cause folks to stop and reminisce
I hate the way I feel
An empty shell crushed under the weight of someone's heel
Always searching for something greater
And being presented with nothing but failure
I stand beside my mother
As the backbone of the family
So much responsibility
Thrust upon me early
The weight on my shoulders
At times is tough to bare
I wonder how it would feel
For once, to just not care
To have only me to worry about
To finally begin the journey that was laid out
For me to tackle the world outside
Spread my wings and take this flight
I'm strong for all those around me
But who's my strength when I find myself in need
Am I meant to travel this path alone
Tackle the demons all on my own
If this is how its meant to be...
I will find and fulfill my destiny
I will stave off these feelings of despair
And wake one more day
To take in a breath of air.
~Ileana~
Pressed by a Fairie // 5:13 AM
"...Modify ya brains so they call me drugs...Said I was a N.E.R.D. but I ain't a punk..." <---that's two of my favorite lines from a cd put together...
Me: "Tell me you love me today, more than you did yesterday, and I'll tell you something great."
Steel: "I thought about you all last night. Every night that I go to bed with you in my heart, I wake up a more confident and more determined individual. So now I can truly say that my love for you grows more and more as each day passes
Me: "Dangit! No way can I follow after that!
Steel: "If it was a contest, I would condemn. But all I want is for you to be you. I'm still trying to follow that act..."
That is part of the conversation I am having right now with someone who loves me. Funny, I've never said those words with such surity before. I mean we all have friends whom we love and say they love us, but I think that's a knee-jerk reaction. We never stop to think about the weight of those words. Lucky for him, I love him too.
Family is driving me up the wall again. Seriously, wish I could find a spot in the world that would house me and keep me safe and sane...
~Frustrated beyond Frustration~
Pressed by a Fairie // 10:58 PM
I completely forgot to mention Ryan's talent show! It was on Friday, the 25th. He was slated to play 2 original songs. One a guitar instrumental and the other his song
Figment. Which he had the crowd moving to and cheering uproariously...then one of the acts forgot their music and had to go home, so they had Ryan do an encore...again he tore the place up! There's this keen sense of pride I feel when I see someone utilize their gifts. He's so talented and so fearless. Truly a wonderful moment! Glad I'm apart of it now. When he makes it big, I can show pictures and say, I know that guy. People would envy me...for all the wrong reasons. They should feel envious of the fact that I know him on a personal level--the real Ryan. People should be as lucky to have a friend in their life like I have found in Ryan. Thanks a bunch kid! I love you and respect you so much. Thanks for always making me laugh and always keeping it real, even if it makes me cry!
~Groupie Love~
^ROFLMBO^
Pressed by a Fairie // 3:12 AM
Okay, my last real entry was on Wednesday and here we are almost on Monday. Wednesday and Thursday night I spent playing Xbox. That's been chronicled. I broke night Friday because we, (mom, sisi, and I), had to go to an event for her company. We had to be on the road by 7:30 because it was in Clearwater! I actually threw on some make-up! All gussied up....didn't want to embarrass my mom or feel like the black sheep. Wherever we go, Vero "puts her face on" She always looks like she just came from a runway show and didn't have time to wash away the make-up. We packed our bathing suits and some beach stuff just in case the weather was still nice around 4 pm...low and behold, the event ended around Noon. We hit Clearwater beach (since we were already there). Normally during Spring Break season I avoid that beach, even though it's the nicest, because 1) There's NEVER any parking available 2) Even if you should find a place to park, the parking prices go up because of S.B. and 3) WAY too many people!
WOWOWOWOWOW! Think of what I've MISSED these last 2 s.b. seasons!!! The guys were UNBELIEVABLE! As I've said before, nothing very eye catching here in Florida. You would think it's home to an overwhelming amount of hotties, since this state is filled with LATINOS! I can count the number of guys who've made me do a double take on one hand. Well, I have to admit that I'm rarely attracted to Latin guys because they're usually short. Please don't send hate mail. My opinion, my preference. I like tall guys. Yeah, most of you would be quick to point out that I am only 5'1", so everyone is taller than me, but not so...I like guys between 5'11"-6'3". Don't know why. The only race that seems to have a lock on that stat is the black guys. Practically NONE here in my area/Tampa Bay area that excite me!!!! I thought for SURE when the Rock the Mic tour came around last year (Jay-Z, 50 Cent, Busta Ryhmes, F-A-B-O-L-O-U-S, and Sean Paul), which brought black folks out in droves, would produce some eye candy...NOTHING. Ugh! Any way, so we drove around for like an HOUR trying to find parking. Do people realize gas is FREAKING $2.13/gal.????? Can't complain though because the guys looked sooo good. There was this one spot that guys were chilling at having a drink and ALL 6 of them were gorgeous! Even my mom was whistling!!!!! Usually there's a tipdrill in a large group...not that one. Then the guys that were on bikes....even some latin ones had me just slack jawed! You'd think I following Omarion's instructions...I dropped by bottom jaw and just said, "O"!!! Over and Over and Over again.
We left the beach and made it home by 5 something. Mouth called and wanted to know if I wanted to chill at Wayne's. Normally, after a trip to the beach, I am ready to nap. I was ready to go. Which was surprising since I was running on no sleep. I did take a cat nap from 7-7:30. Headed to Wayne's and chilled with him until Mouth and her bf showed up...around 10ish. They smoked out and I just sat back with my Tropical flavored Propel (Gatorade's fitness water). We had a blast chit chatting and laughed our butts off something crazy. I rolled in around midnight and crashed hard! I awoke early though today (being Easter and all). Mom made breakfast. I LOVE French toast sticks. The ones we had today could rival Burger King's. We lazed the day away, playing games and watching movies. Then we went to Olive Garden for dinner. Take a moment and think of the last time you were there...YUM right? Now think about having enough left over to eat twice...I know! After the appetizer, breadsticks, and salad, I had no room for dinner. I also forgot to tell them lunch portion...so I have lunch AND dinner! Might go back and pick up a salad though...
I am currently chatting with Ron. He's stressing over a co-worker/head person...the person sounds like a complete BITCH. I know that's going to draw a disappointing head nod from him, but it had to be said. He refuses to use that word, but he'll use other pronouns, quite descriptive too...but it boils down to that person being what I just said. He doesn't curse, so that's why he'll use every pronoun known to man...heck, even some that aren't. So there Ron, I've said it! All in the name of "love" too! LMBO Nothing else to report really, going to finish chatting him up and then I'll probably play my GBA.
~Lady Illusory~
Pressed by a Fairie // 11:46 PM
This I know. Blame the Xbox people! I've been playing the tennis game, Top Spin. I am addicted! Reebok is my sponsor, so everytime I win a tournament for them, they give me free clothes. Plus, there are other tournaments where the cash prize is 15K, 100K, 500K, and 1m!!! Everytime I win, I shop at the different stores and go to the salon. I've come to realize that I should NEVER be left with a large sum of money. I am a shopaholic clothes whore!!! I'd blow through it in record time...I've got to get to bed though. Have to be on the road by 7:30 in the am and it is 1:23 right now! I'll give a full update later on tonight.
~Slacker McSlackerton~
Pressed by a Fairie // 1:23 AM
Wow, I found this site while looking for something COMPLETELY unrelated. I am currently looking up Florida's highest Latin populated counties as well as the poorest and up pops this site:
http://www.poormojo.org/pmjadaily/archives/001451.html Once you click on it, it becomes pretty clear as to what you are viewing. It's a path of the hurricanes that hit Florida last year. I love people out there who are more dedicated to "the cause" than I am. They make these little findings all the more fun and interesting!!
**Side note: I'd like to point out that I reside in Pasco county. That's right folks, one of the (too) few "blue" counties in Florida.** It surprised me to find out that I had something in common with the (highly racist redneck) people in my county.
There's a subdivision behind where I used to work (in Hudson), made up of mobile homes. I was told (by a co-worker who lives there) never drive in that area unless there's a white person along for the ride. And NEVER go alone at night! I wasn't really intimidated by that. Besides, she and I became good friends and I'd visit her. I drove with my windows up and doors locked. The last couple of months I started to take a short cut to get home, and it involved driving 3 blocks through the subdivision, at night. I noticed a mobile home with the confederate flag and a flag with a swastika (not the Greek one either!). I thought to myself, 'That's to be expected in this area.' As time went on, more and more swastika flags appeared. I'm talking a total of EIGHT as of 3.21.05! Been thinking about gathering my brother and his paintball friends and doing a drive-by on the flags...just a thought... There's even a spray-painted sign that reads: "If you don't like it, MOVE!" I guess they've gotten complaints from some not-as-racist people in the neighborhood! A-MAZING!!!!!
~Brown Girl~
Pressed by a Fairie // 4:23 PM
I had the best day today! I went to sleep around my usual time last night (4-6am). About 5.5 hours later I hear my phone ringing. Only it's a new ringtone so I scrambled up to look for the phone. I check the caller ID and see that it says "Mouth", so I answered. Not Mouth, but her boyfriend. The conversation went as follows:"Darkness, What's up? What are you doing?" "What's up Lightening? Sleeping.", I replied. "Do you wanna go to the beach?" "How's the weather? It was crappy yesterday..." "It's sunny but cloudy." "Um, which is it? It can't be both." "Well...it's like the sun is out and then a cloud passes, then it's sun again, then another cloud passes..." {chuckle} "Okay, what time are y'all leaving?" "About half an hour." "K, that's cool, which beach?" "Howard (something or other)." "Never been." "You've NEVER been??? Want me to give you directions or just want to follow?" "I'll follow and I'll be ready." An hour later, after a trip to McDs first, we were on our way. Another 35mins. and we arrived at the beach. I liked it. It's perfect for people who want to go to the beach just to hang with friends and tan. The water wasn't too clear, but then, it had rained the night before...We all got our ankles wet. Wayne, Sheiliz and I dug a hole and then buried Mouth. WAY TOO funny! The guys gave her breasts and her cousin's husband gave her...um...male genitalia! LMBO!!! I have pics, I'll post them soon. 3 of the 5 that went actually got in the water. It was great. A day well spent.Oh, before I forget, here's a link to a song. It's hilarious...for those people who are like me--addicted to ebay...http://www.geoffellis.com/ebay.html Once the page loads, click "play"
~Raine Storm~
Pressed by a Fairie // 11:59 PM
I'm not a fan of quickies, but here I am dishing one out. I was up until 6am playing xbox with my sibs. I won't go into too much detail. All I'll say is that I need to work on my Halo 2 and tennis game! Let's see...what else, um, yesterday was Sunday, so nothing jumped off. Heck, I can't even remember what I did. I think I slept until 3ish, started a book and then slept some more. Today was a pretty crappy day. I love Jo Dee Messina (female country singer), but I'm not going to stand behind her song, Bring on the Rain. I'm wishing it away, or at least the gloomy gray sky! We went and shot some pool today. Veronika surprised the heck out of all of us by beating our brother. The master of pool in our (immediate) family. Okay, I'm going to run because Medium is on and afterwards, I am going to play some xbox.
~Raine~
Pressed by a Fairie // 10:04 PM
Today began with a little light cleaning around the house. Once I got that out of the way, I put on some music and played my GBA (Game Boy Advance). I noticed that after a few minutes my mood began to change. I was suddenly feeling a little down and didn't understand why. So I turned off the GBA, turned up the music, and tried to figure out what was going on in my mind. Then it hit me. I was listening to country music! Since moving to Florida I've completely ignored the country radio stations. The only country music I play are my cds. Since I haven't listened to anything new in almost 3 years, every cd/song I hear, I heard/learned in Texas. They take me back to San Antonio. I wish I could figure out a way to make people understand. I guess it boils down to me missing the people I grew up with. I have no history here in Florida. All of my history is closely entwined with the people back home. They're my history. We grew from childhood to adulthood together.
Law and I both got cars at the same time. I wanted a truck-like vehicle and he wanted a sporty one. I ended up w/ a sporty Mazda MX-3 and he got a Jeep Wrangler. Both vehicles were stick shift. Law and I taught ourselves how to drive them on Foster Rd. Once we mastered the gears we were ready to tackle the starting and stopping while going up a hill. He and I practiced day in and day out, driving up this hill we found. I can't even tell you how many times we stalled! We had a freaking blast. OMGoodness, there was this one time (I was never in band), prior to having my own car, that I used my mothers. Well, Law and the Beast had spent the night and they needed to get clothes for the rest of the week. I drove us to Law's first because he was closer. Then Beast asked if he could drive to his place. He is two years older than me, so I figured the guy knew how to drive. WOW! I was mistaken. Law and I kept glancing at eachother and saying silent prayers the entire way there. We ribbed him about that for the better part of a month! The Beast is now 24 and has since mastered the art of driving AND his car is a stick shift too!! Friends that spend all summer in the same house together, drive like cars...LOL
Did I mention my Godson? His name is Daylan James. Yup, the name is as country as country can be. He's a biracial cutie. He'll be a year old in August and I have yet to meet him. How backwards is that? I saw a pic of him during his first trimester. Lisa took him to get pics taken in the Gap outfit I sent for him. He is sooo handsome. I'm not saying that because I am his G.Momma, but because it's the truth! Hopefully I will be back home just in time to celebrate his first birthday. Virgil has a daughter, Kalleece. Her name is pronounced and inspired by the singer Kelis. When Kelis' first cd dropped, I bought it and played it all the time. At that time I was still living in Sunrise and Virgil would come over just to listen to it with me. I even let him borrow it and then had to steal it back! She'll be two come April. I've yet to meet her either. Brandon has a daughter who will be two also...I'm missing the births and little milestones of my extended family!
With out the past, one can not fully embrace the future.
~Homeward Bound~
P.S. You should give coming to Texas serious thought! A great place to start anew and you'll have it better than most transplants...you'll already have friends via me! (The person I am specifically speaking to knows who they are)
Pressed by a Fairie // 11:58 PM
Those who know me know that I am a straight jeans and sneaks kind of lady. When the occasion calls for me to get dressed up, I do and do it well. So I’m told. I think it’s more that they never see me all gussied up, so when I am, it’s a shocker. The fellas in Ybor City definitely took notice. Ladies, self-confidence not only grabs a person’s attention, it holds it a lot longer than T&A hanging out…Also attracts the type of people you want to deal with and helps to weed through the guys who are out to hit something! Veronika was in a black pant suit, pink satin, v-neck blouse trimmed in lace, and a fedora. The guys were lapping it up. Two guys walked passed us and said, “Helloooo.” Vero tipped her hat to them ( I just smiled) and continued walking. My sister can straight command a room. Quite impressive if you ask me! My outfit is a little more complicated to explain, but it was a mix of what’s hot now (sash tied around my hips, flower in my hair) with a touch of me thrown in...The best compliment all night was from a guy who opened the door for me and said, “Beautiful. Just beautiful.” (<--that wasn’t it) Once inside I order drinks for my sister and I and he was at the bar. (this is it-->) “Excuse me…Sweetheart…Excuse me…I really like your bag. It’s hot!” LMBO!!!!!!!!!!! I was like, old dude is gay. My sister then pointed out that I was using my Fetish purse (the rapper Eve’s clothing/access. line, not some porn crap people!!!!) Any way, the purse says, “FETISH…what’s yours?” graffiti style all over. She said, had he mentioned how well the purse, shoes, and jewelry complimented the outfit, then I’d have something to be worried about.
Veronika and I went out tonight (last night), and had a blast!! If you read the previous posts then you know we went to the Improve Comedy Club. Gary Owen was the headliner. He was FANTASTIC. He kept the audience engaged the entire time he was up there. We were sitting in the second row of tables from the stage. Perfect view. I have a (small) thing for older white men. I don’t know what it’s about. Let me clarify that statement. I don’t want to date them, just like to look at them. Scott knows exactly what I am talking about ;-p I think it all started back when I first started babysitting. My neighbor was a single father with two children. I was their babysitter. DO NOT LET YOUR MINDS GO THERE!!!! I was only in the 6th grade for crying out loud! Tim Bookout. Moving on…After the show we met Gary, took pics with him, and got autographs. He’s in the upcoming Martin Lawrence movie, Rebound. He’s actually in the trailer that’s out now.
After the comedy we were too wired to go home. We decided to see what we could get into…we ended up at the Amphitheater. Which we got into for free…I traded 2 femmes my free drink band for their club bands. They’ve made the upstairs a new lounge area. It’s called the Tocca Lounge and wouldn’t you know-Friday is hip-hop night in the lounge. YEA-UH! (Lil’ Jon moment). The lounge was actually pretty fly. I’m going to ask my dad if he can get us some VIP bands so we can go with a group and just chill. No, my father is not a club promoter…he designs kitchens, bars, buffets and salad bars, for restaurants, schools, clubs, etc… He recently completed work on the Faze 2 Lounge: (Faze 2 is an urban nightclub and lounge, but you won't see typical urban hip-hop attire. This joint caters to a slightly older and more upscale crowd, so suits, slacks and dress shirts are common for gentlemen. Ladies' attire ranges from halters and tight jeans to sexy cocktail dresses. The scene: This is one of the more culturally and musically diverse scenes in Tampa. The initial vibe is dance-club, but when you hear a neo-soul, jazz or live R&B band, you'll understand why they call it a lounge.) So maybe he knows some people who know some people… Bottom line, Vero and Illy had a fantastic and safe time! Let’s do it again…in warmer weather though!
~Lady Ileana~
Pressed by a Fairie // 4:08 AM
I too have been inspired by another's blog...Steel posted a song he wrote and it made me think of some songs. Well the ones that I feel truly represent me (some not in the literal sense of course) or a situation I've been in or affected by...so I thought I'd post snippets of them here. There is one full song and some almost complete songs...you don't have to read them all...I won't know...They're in no particular order of preference either.
Erykah Badu:On & On…
People always tryin' to find the world I'm in
I'm the envy of the women and I rule the men
Mary J. Blige: Destiny:
People tell me my life was pre-destined
From my life others shall learn a lesson
Born a leader with the world on my shoulders
Age is young but my mind is much older
Living up to everyones expectations
Condemn me to a world of damnation
I’ve got to clear these voices from my head
All these opinionated noises
Listen to the voice of my Creator
Hope is doors to a path much greater…
The Beast: Untitled:
V1) Playing these games, nothing has changed
All of these things remain the same
I have no idea what to do
That’s okay cause we are through
Sick of these things you do to me
I just can’t stop the way I feel
Oh this pain, it feels so real
That’s when I say…
(Chorus)
This race you will not win
And I won’t be chasing you
This story’s at its end
This is the end for you
No we can’t remain friends
No we can’t make amends
Don’t wanna reconcile
For things you made a trend
V2) You had your chance, no more mistakes
Promised you’d do whatever it takes
To reconcile and make things right
Now all we do is fuss and fight
All I want
Is one calm night
When we were young and things were right
Seems we’ll never get back to that
(Chorus)
V3) I’ve got to go, don’t want to discuss
Hurt me so bad and I loved you so much
Time for goodbyes, my heart’s turned cold
Been victimized by the love that you stole
I once was blind, but now I see
You are not the one for me
Too late for regrets your work is done…
(chorus out)
Heather Headley:Always Been Your Girl:
Don't lie to me, even if it's gonna make me cry
Say what you mean, even if it hurts me deep inside
We've been good friends for years and I hold that dear
But you cannot end this now
without giving me the chance to tell how I feel inside...
(chorus)
Can you tell me that I'm not her?
Say I'm not the one who completes your world
Who should share your name, who should wear your ring,
when I've always been your girl
Can you tell me I'm not the one,
to be the mother of your unborn son?
May not have the time, but there's no denyin' that you feel the same...
'Cuz I've always been your girl
Alicia Keys:Karma:
Weren't you the one who said that you don't want me anymore
And how you need your space and give the keys back to your door
And how I cried and tried and tried to make you stay with me
And still you said your love was gone and that I had to leave
Now you're Talking bout a family
Now you're saying I complete your dreams
OhNow you're sayin I'm your everything
You're confusing me
What you saying to me, don't play wit me, don't play wit meCause....
(chorus)
What goes around comes around
What goes up must come down
Now who's cryin', desirin' to come back to me
What goes around comes around
What goes up must come down
Now who's cryin, desirin', to come back
John Legend: Ordinary People:
I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay
50 Cent: Cry Me A River(remix)
She ain't that chick from the 'burbs
That's afraid of the drama
She dat uptown girl wit the cocky persona
Went out of my way to let her know that I want her
I told her, 'I know fo' sho' we belong together.'
And I, wouldn't break her heart
My intentions are betta
And I, shared the same dreams she had about chedda
When the D's came she was down to hold the beretta
I got a thing fo' Baby Girl
It's me and her against the world...
Korn:
Now I see the times they change
Leaving doesn’t seem so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind
All this sh*t I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man
India.Arie:God is Real:
Sweetest honey to the brightest flower the largest plant
Into the smallest atom, snow flakes in the bird kingdom,
Smaller than the eye can see,
Bigger than the mind can concieve.
(oh)Heard a man on the radio today,
Must confess I disagreed with what he had to say.
[Bridge]How can he not believe that God is real,
I don't understand how he could feel that way.
When there's earth air water and fire.
So many different flowers, sunshine and rainshower,
So many differnt crystals and hills and volcanos.
[Chorus]That's how I know that God is real(all of this is not by chance)…
Brown Skin
…Every time I see your lips, it makes me think of honey-coated chocolate
Your kisses are worth more than gold to me
I'll be your almond joy, you'll be my sugar daddy
(chorus)
Brown skin, you know I love your brown skin
I cant tell where yours begins, I cant tell where mine ends
Brown skin, up against my brown skin
Need some every now and then:oh hey
Healing:
I release all these disappointment
From my mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional body
Cause I know that spirit guides me
And love lives inside me
That's why today I take life as it comes
Audioslave:
I met a man locked away
For things he hadn’t done
Innocence on a ball and chain
He’ll never feel the sun again on his face
or roses In his hand
But when he smiled at me I could understand
{Chrous}
If you’re free, you’ll never see the walls
If your head is clear, you’ll never free fall
If you’re right, you’ll never fear the wrong
If your head is high, you’ll never fear at all
Glenn Lewis: Dream:
Look at you now you really haven't change
Still as beautiful as first day we met
But something's different doesn't seem so long ago
Amazing how the years can go
When we wanted different things
You wanted a family I was chasing my dream
I didn't know what I had back then
How could I go off through the growing pains of being a man?
I really didn't understand
I took you for granted now it's out of my hands
Now I wish I had it too do all over again
N.E.R.D:
Modify your brain so they call me drugs
Said I was N.E.R.D but I ain’t a punk
Joe Budden: When Thugs Cry:
(yo) First off I got a seed comin'
so I won't even front like I don't need nothin'
dependin' on record sales for me to see somethin'
but if that fall backhow the f* I'm supposed to feed little Budden
I been to jail before
I been a bum before
but a ni**a ain't never had a son before
I dealt with caine and fire
I done banged with fighters
but I ain't never changed
a diaper…yo I'm a survivor
I seen darker days
a mama's boy with my father's ways
but I had to see my mom in tears
when pop went to the store for them newports
that he must ain't find in years…
love my baby moms to death
she don't believe that
shit I ain't never there for her to see that
don't wanna lose my wiz
beggin' her to do this bid
not jail but this music sh*tI pray for my son,
he'll have genes like me
pray that he don't have to go through everything like me
pray to God to bring out the things I
never knew I had in me
the rest of my mom and dad in me (uh huh)
50 Cent:Build You Up
Before I be your buddy in bed,
let me be your best friend
Girl, its more than lust, I want your trust
You keep it real with me, I'll keep it real with you
Cause I know with you by my side, there's nothin' I can't do
God Gave Me Style:
I zone off thinkin' is there really heaven or hell
So what happens to a changed man who dies in a cell
I need no answers to these questions, cuz time will tell
I'm Supposed to Die Tonight:
Sometimes, I sit and look at life from a different angle
Don't know if I'm God's child or I'm Satan's angel
Sunny days wouldn’t be special, if it wasn’t for rain
Joy wouldn’t feel so good, if it wasn’t for pain
Death gotta be easy, cause life is hard.
It’ll leave you physically, mentally, and emotionally scarred.
*WARNING: ANTI-BUSH Segment*
**If you're a Bush fan, please exit now**
Eminem:Square Dance:
Never been the type to bend or budge
The wrong button to push, No friend of Bush…
The boogies monster of rap,
Yeah the man's back
With a plan to ambush this Bush administration,
Mush the Senate's face in and push this generation,
Of kids to stand and fight for the right to say something you might not like,
This white hot light,
That I'm under,
No wonder,I look so sunburned,
Oh no, I won't leave no stone unturned,
Oh no I won't leave,
Wont go nowhere,
Do-si-do,
Oh, yo, ho, hello there
Oh yeah don't think I won't go there,
Go to the Beirut and do a show there
Yah you laugh till your m----f-----' a** gets drafted,
While you're at band camp thinkin' the crap can't happen,
Till you f* around,Get an anthrax napkin,
Inside a package wrapped in Saran Wrap wrapping,
Open the plastic and then you stand back gasping,
F* assassins hijackin', Amtracks crashin,
All this terror America demands action,
Next thing you know you've got Uncle Sam's a** askin'
To join the army or what you'll do for their Navy.
You just a baby,Gettin' recruited at eighteen,
You're on a plane now,Eatin their food and their baked beans.
I'm 28 ,They gon take you 'fore they take me
Eminem:Mosh:
Imagine it pouring, it's raining down on us
Mosh pits outside the oval office
Someone's tryina tell us something,
Maybe this is God just sayin' we're responsible
For this monster, this coward,
That we have empowered
This is Bin Laden, look at his head noddin'
How could we allow something like this without pumping our fists
Now this is our final hour
Let me be the voice in your strength and your choice
Let me simplify the rhyme just to amplify the noise
Try to amplify then times it, and multiply by six...
Ten million people, Are equal at this high pitch
Maybe we can reach Al Qaeda through my speech
Let the president answer a higher anarchy
Strap him with an Ak-47, let him go, fight his own war
Let him impress daddy that way
No more blood for oil, we got our own battles to fight on our own soil
No more psychological warfare, to trick us to thinking that we ain't loyal
If we don't serve our own country, we're patronizing a hero
Look in his eyes its all lies
The stars and stripes, they've been swiped, washed out and wiped
And replaced with his own face,
Mosh now or die
If I get sniped tonight you know why,
Cause I told you to fight.
(chorus)
And as we proceed,
To Mosh through this desert storm,
In these closing statements, if they should argue
Let us beg to differ
As we set aside our differences
And assemble our own army
To disarm this Weapon of Mass Destruction
That we call our President, for the present
And Mosh for the future of our next generation
To speak and be heardMr. President, Mr. Senator
(Children) Do you guys hear us...hear us...
~One with Musiq~
Pressed by a Fairie // 3:17 AM
"The 29-year-old Kim, referred to by her legal name of Kimberly Jones in court, was rung on counts of conspiracy and perjury for trying to protect her posse, but was acquitted of the most serious charge of obstruction of justice. Her assistant, Monique Dopwell, was also found guilty on the same charges.
According to prosecutors, Lil' Kim told some pretty "preposterous lies," the most egregious being that she had no relationship with one of the triggermen--Suif "Gutta" Jackson, a longtime friend and bodyguard--and that another, manager Damion Butler, wasn't present at the time of the shooting. But videotape of the incident contradicted her testimony, showing her standing beside Butler when the gunfire erupted. Jackson and Butler, who both plead guilty to weapons charges, turned state's evidence against Kim and testified for the prosecution in her trial."
How about that? See why I am such a fan of the truth? Even if it hurts, telling a lie will come back to bite you in the butt; even if the lie was meant to help. Lil’ Kim should’ve done what she would’ve done had she still been on the streets; taken care of number one. I understand they’re her friends (or so she thought) and she wanted to help, but she could’ve told the truth and then paid for the best lawyers to handle the case against them, to assuage her guilt if need be. Instead she and her assistant are facing up to 20 years in prison. There are so many ways this thing can/ will be played out. 1) She’s a SHE and 2) She’s Black. I don’t know in which way America is more screwed up, sexist or racist. Either way, she’ll probably get a lighter sentence than her assistant because she’s famous. Sucks for them…
Example: Robert Blake, a white MAN, was acquitted of murdering his wife. A waiter flagged him down and said, ‘you forgot your gun.’ ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Then there’s OJ Simpson, a black MAN, found not guilty in the slaying of two people, one of whom was his wife. I don’t care to hear arguments about he didn’t do it or any other mess. The only people who know the truth are the deceased, the accused, and the Lord. My point is men get away with murder!!!! On top of that, OJ walked away with a tattered reputation and for the rest of his life he’ll have to deal with suspicious glares and talks behind his back. Meanwhile, Robert Blake had other “celebrities” visit him in jail, (major ones too!) showing him moral support. Now that this mess is over and done for him, Hollywood and his peers will embrace him and support him. Show him how sorry they are that he had to go through such a trying ordeal. Imagine-some poor woman got murdered on his watch. Such a terrible thing to have to go through! The family, on the other hand, still has no closure. Justice hasn’t been served for them. Their daughter’s killer either just got away with murder or is still out there somewhere. Oh how I LOVE my country and my “democratic” government!
~Disgusted Member of the huMAN Race~
Pressed by a Fairie // 10:37 PM
I wonder what hurts more...finding out you're the other woman, or believing you were the only one...
~The Lady~
Pressed by a Fairie // 4:58 PM
I'm very low-maintenance when it comes to friendship. I don't ask for much and don't expect more than what I give. I just wish some people acted accordingly. How does someone ostracize the one person they hold in as high esteem as God? Don't put me on a pedestal if you intend to knock me down at your whim! I'm sorry that the world has to revolve around "" and sometimes I'd like to have the spotlight. Sorry that "" wants to pick at the same scabs all the time. Here's a news flash, you don't like something, CHANGE it! All things are open to change. ALL of your friends are trippin and it has NOTHING to do with you. You can't possibly be the reason for an argument. NOooooooo, everyone else is the problem. I HIGHLY doubt that. Quit being so self-involved and people would want to hang around you, call you, and include you. Being around you feels like there's a rain cloud permanently around!!! Let me ask a question, and please feel free to leave a response in the chatterbox off to the right there...would you stop talking to someone because they didn't call you to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving? I mean seriously. My birthday was WAAAY before Thanksgiving and I sure as heck didn't get a call, and that's a freaking PERSONAL holiday. "" even called me like 3 days later and I STILL didn't mention that they, my "friend", forgot to wish me a Happy B. Day. Did I mention that I was in the hospital around Thanksgiving? Next time should I schedule a massive flare up AROUND a national holiday? Did I ALSO mention that they were invited to T. Day dinner with my family? I even offered to DRIVE the 7.5hrs to ATL to pick them up AND THEN do it again two more times to drop them off and come home??? Yet I am the selfish, unthinking partner in the friendship. The NERVE of some people! Wow, I feel better. Getting that off my chest will enable me to get a good night sleep. Who needs a temperpedic?
I ventured out to Tampa again today. My sister and I are going to the Tampa Improv Comedy Club on Friday, so we did a dry run. By "dry run" I mean, that since I've never been there and don't know my way around too well, we printed out directions and tested their accuracy. I am pleased to say that come Friday I can navigate to and FROM the venue safely and more importantly, not end up in Orlando again!!!! Though that was a heckofa good time! If you're familiar with BET's Comicview and have watched it recently then you caught the white guy, Gary Owen. The dude is a riot! I even recorded the show. Here's a little about him: GARY OWEN "Brother's got the WESTSIDE, trailer park's got DOUBLEWIDES!!" Gary Owen is the only white guy to ever host B.E.T.'s "Comicview". Many people recognize Gary as the dancing "Mr. Broccoli" in the blockbuster movie Daddy Day Care with Eddie Murphy; or as the goofy redneck deputy in the movie Held Up with Jamie Foxx. San Diego's African-American community embraced him, and he went onto win the "Funniest Black Comedian in San Diego" contest. Then, THEEEEEEEEEEN, Bruce Bruce is going to be here April 6-8. Yup, I'm going to be there too.
Okay, my bed is flirting with me and I think I am going to go and flirt back.
I ran up the door and closed the stairs.
Said my pj's and put on my prayers.
Turned off my bed and hopped in the light,
All because you kissed me goodnight.
~November's Dream~
Pressed by a Fairie // 11:14 PM
When you're from Texas, people that you meet ask you
questions like, "Do you have any cows?" "Do you have
horses?" "Bet you got a bunch of guns, eh?"
They all want to know if you've been to Southfork.
They watched Dallas.
Have you ever looked at a map of the world? Look at
Texas with me just for a second. That picture, with the
Panhandle and the Gulf Coast, and the Red River and the
Rio Grande is as much a part of you as anything ever will be.
As soon as anyone anywhere in the world looks at it
they know what it is. It's Texas.
Pick any kid off the street in Japan and draw him a
picture of Texas in the dirt and he'll know what it is.
What happens if I show you a picture of any
other state? You'll get it maybe after a second,
but who else would? Even if you do, does it ever stir any feelings in you?
In every man, woman and child on this little rock
the Good Lord put us on, there is a person who wishes
just once he could be a real live Texan and get
up on a horse or ride in a pickup. There is some bit
of Texas in everyone. Did you ever hear anyone in a
bar go, "Wow...so you're from Iowa? Cool, tell
me about it?" Do you know why? Because there's no
place like Texas.
Texas is the Alamo. Texas is 183 men standing in a
church, facing thousands of Mexican nationals, fighting
for freedom, who had the chance to walk out
and save themselves, but stayed instead to fight and
die for the cause of freedom.
We send our kids to schools named William B. Travis
and James Bowie and do you know why? Because
those men saw a line in the sand and they decided to
cross it and be heroes. John Wayne paid to do the
movie himself. That is the Spirit of Texas. Texas is Sam Houston capturing Santa Ana at San Jacinto. Texas is Juneteenth and Texas Independence Day. Texas is huge forests of Piney Woods like the Davy Crockett National Forest.
Texas is breathtaking mountains in Big Bend. Texas
is shiny skyscrapers in Houston and Dallas. Texas
is world record bass from places like Lake Fork.
Texas is Mexican food like nowhere in the world,
even Mexico. Texas is the Fort Worth Stockyards
and the Bass Hall. Texas is larger-than-life legends
like Willie Nelson and Buddy Holly, Earl Campbell
and Nolan Ryan, Denton Cooley and Michael DeBakey,
Sam Rayburn and George Bush*.
Texas is great companies like Dell Computer and
Compaq. Texas is huge herds of cattle and miles
of crops. Texas is skies blackened with doves, and
fields full of deer. Texas is a place where cities
shut down for the Cowboys on Monday Night Football,
and NIOSA** River Parade in San Antonio.
Texas is ocean beaches, deserts, lakes and rivers,
mountains and prairies, and modern cities. If it isn't
in Texas, you don't need it. No one does
anything bigger or better than it's done in Texas.
By federal law, Texas is the only state in the U.S.
that can fly its flag at the same height as the U.S.
flag. Think about that for a second. You fly
the Stars and Stripes at 20 feet in Maryland, or
California, or Maine, and your state flag, whatever
it is, goes at 17. You fly the Stars and Stripes
in front of Pine Tree High in Longview at 20 feet,
the Lone Star flies at the same height--20 feet.
Do you know why? Because we place being a Texan as
high as being an American down here.
Our capitol is the only one in the country that is
taller than the capitol building in Washington, D.C.
We included these things in as part of the deal
when we came on. That's the best part right there.
WHEN WE CAME ON.
Texas was its own country. The Republic of Texas.
That is why we are proud to be a Texan!!!
*I'm not a fan of the Bush family...
**NIOSA=Night in Old San Antonio. It's to San Antone what Mardi Gras is to N'oleans.
~New England born, Texas Raised~
Ileana
Pressed by a Fairie // 8:14 AM
My, my, my…here I thought I was a pretty well rounded femme. I enjoy not only watching sports, but playing them. I can hang w/ the guys and hold my own. I know how to check and fill my car fluids, uninstall/install my battery, change any one of my four tires, heck-I can even change my own spark plugs…but I can’t seem to freaking install my darn windshield wipers!!!! What is wrong with me??? I (sob)…am (sniff)…a FAILURE (wail)!!!! (And a drama major… :-p) Any way, so my dad put them on for me. I am now ready for the coming Florida rain season (a.k.a summer). My brake pads and shoes, rotors, and drums are all just fine. No need to have them replaced. What I do need is a new set of rear calipers and cylinders. GRRRRRREEEEEEAAAAAAAT!
So I check my email today, and find one from a complete stranger. Normally I don’t check mail from unknown sources, but the subj. line let me know where they found me. He’s a black planet member and liked my page. The page I haven’t visited in ages. May I just say…WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOW! The man is so good looking that he makes The Beast look (almost) like X!!!! Rayne, you know how serious that is! Aw heck, here’s where you can see him (don’t let the name deter you): http://members.blackplanet.com/gijhad2003 . I am off to sleep. I’ve plum wore myself out these last two days. I know, it’s early, but PLEASE don’t call me. Unless you’re in another country or it’s an emergency…
~November’s Dream~
Pressed by a Fairie // 8:53 PM
Where do guys get the idea that they can pull a female? That the whole game is run solely by them? When are they going to realize that before they even work up the nerve to throw a line, we’ve weighed and measured them? We’ve already decided if we’re going to let them spit their game or shut them down. They may take the first step, but they follow our direction. Therefore we definitely lead the way. It probably goes the same for a guy who sees a girl approaching, but I’m not talking about them. He knows who he is…the man of whom I speak. He inspired this little paragraph! Now, with all that said and done, I am glad he’s in my life, and I wouldn’t trade him for the world.
**A woman is strength. Not just the giver of life, but more. Men don’t know who they are until they know what kind of woman they want or for that matter, if they want one. Whatever he chooses, it starts with us.** -Taken from the movie The Brothers. Morris “He got some yum yum” Chestnut movie. I'm not saying that I agree with it, just putting it out there...
Again it’s been a slow day. Nothing new or exciting happened. I did quiet the craving I’ve been having for Oreos. MMMMMMM. I’ll be in Tampa tomorrow picking up my meds and visiting the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino. I decided that since I am moving back to San Antonio and I used to work at the HRC there, I’d go and see what’s good. I need to have some pins from here to trade when I get back. I miss all my old co-workers. Can’t wait to get back to the city, “the city he loves me, as lonely as I am. Together we cry…”
Also while in Tampa, my car is going to get new brakes and an oil change. Why drive all the way to Tampa? Because here in Port Richey there are no little hole in the wall places that’ll do a good job for a good price. It’s full of backwards rednecks who’ll look at my skin color and either overcharge me or say they’re “booked up good.” So I’ll travel the 45 min., to a city filled with “my people”, and feed them my hard earned money. They’ll accept it with a smile, do a great job, and thank me for the business. It’s a win/win situation!
OMGoodness!!! I am sitting here writing this entry and holding a convo with Ryan (multi-tasking) and since I am “ignoring” him he wrote a little rap for me…I asked his permission to post it:
She got Care Bears on her bed, and Von Dutch on her head.
She tha best thing since sliced bread.
Guys askin to see her on cam might make her see red,
and she might say "you aint seein sh*t homeboy, listen to what I said!",
But don’t be fooled by the Puetro Rican exterior,
She’s a lexicon and if need be-she can make you feel inferior,
But don’t be fearin’ her, cuz she got a carin’ interior.
So come have a drink with her, maybe some parrot bay,
She appreciates honesty, so be open and speak what you really mean to say.
She’s a friend. She’s my homie. She ain’t no phoney.
She knows more about me than most people who know me,
And I got her back if need be.
Her name is Illy, short for Ileana.
Chillin at the spas and just relaxin in the saunas.
Then she on her way to the club,
but first she gettin dinner at Carrabbas!
I gotta be flyin, but I'll be back.
So don’t be cryin.
I just told you bout my friend,
and it came easy, I'm barely tryin.
I’m out like a trout
Signed--Yo Homie Ryan
He's my favorite white boy!!!
~Illy
Pressed by a Fairie // 12:04 AM
It's 7:15 am and these are some of the things that were running through my head...I wrote in first-person and second-person to (hopefully) avoid monotony.
What would I do if the chapstick company Softlips, went out of business?
What would you do if the person you are crushing on, could suddenly read your mind?
Who would you rather be stranded with; your best friend or your best friend's significant other?
If you could interview anyone from the future, who would it be? (y'all catch that?)
Would you rather go to sleep with a smile on your face or wake up with one?
Should some unforeseen event take my home, who would open theirs to me?
Who would you trust to burn your "unmentionable" items should something ever happen to you?
Black and White or Color photos?
If the path to the left is used by many and the path to the right used only by the person who made it, which would I choose?
If for a brief second, you could glimpse into the future and see that your next relationship will be full of ups and downs, fun, excitement, love, laughter and then heart break; would you still get involved?
You have been granted the opportunity to change one thing from your past, would you accept?
Pressed by a Fairie // 7:15 AM
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! This is my second time writing this blog entry, thanks to some "internal problem" on my pc. Let's hope this one makes it...
I’ve been meaning to sit down and write about the TV movie, Their Eyes Were Watching God. It aired Sunday the 6th on abc and starred Halle Berry and Michael Ealy. Here’s a synopsis of the film I lifted from abc.com: Based upon the novel by Zora Neale Hurston, the film depicts the timeless, lyrical and passionate story of a beautiful and resilient woman's quest for love, sensual excitement and spiritual fulfillment, despite society's expectations of a woman of color in 1920s America. Ms. Berry stars as Janie Crawford, whose journey takes her through three marriages with very different men, and during which she experiences all that life has to offer, from tremendous success to unspeakable heartbreak.
Ealy plays Halle’s last husband in the film. Most of you know that I’ve been watching out for that brother ever since he appeared in Barber Shop. If you don’t know Michael Ealy, please, please google him! Aside from his nice hair, sexy and strong, jaw line, crystal clear blue eyes, caramel skin, and hands that could…er…the man can act!!! We’ve all seen Halle do her thing and know she can act, but to see Ealy in this movie really solidified his ability to play characters other than “thugs” (in my eyes). He manages to convey such strength and emotion just through those blue babies alone. There are a few scenes in the movie when he blows up that actually made me jump. Hearing his attempt at a husky southern drawl was believable when it was consistent. Hecka sexy too! I’m a sucker for a southern drawl (aren’t I Sir…?:-). Berry and Ealy’s chemistry was down right explosive. To have been a minuscule epithelium on her body during their love scenes, I would’ve sold my friends!
I’m an avid reader so I can’t wait to get my hands on the book! I’m waiting for someone (named Rayne) to buy me the book…I read a short summary of the book and found that there were some interesting parts left out of the film. Of course, you can’t fit an entire book into a 2.5 hour movie, but these seemed like they’d have been important. Now I wish I had the darn thing. I’ll be shopping at bn.com after this.
My entire point was to say that I really enjoyed this movie. Its messages encompass all that I believe and try to share with those around me. Never sacrifice your happiness to make others happy. Always be true to yourself and learn to speak up, because it’s the only way people will hear you. Letting go of someone you love doesn’t make you weak. It means you are strong enough to let go. The greatest thing a person can do is love and be loved. It is better to have had a few moments of love and happiness than a lifetime without either! I’ll leave you with three of my favorite lines in the movie: “You only sound old when you tell people what years you was born…You make a man forget to get old…You hold the keys to the kingdom girl.” What girl wouldn’t LOVE to hear those last two lines come from someone????
Isla del Encanto
Pressed by a Fairie // 11:59 PM
*Like everyone out there, I too have my own opinion on various topics. The things I write about here are from my point of view. I don't mind emails wanting to discuss a topic further or wanting to add a different p.o.v, but I do mind people arguing a specific point with me. I recognize that my way of thinking may not be akin to the next person, but I won't sit here and impose my beliefs upon anyone. It's called respect. I'd appreciate the same courtesy. *
Just wanted to get that out in the open. Those who know me are aware that what you see is pretty much what you get. Don't ask for my opinion on something and then get mad if you don't like the answer. That's not to say I go around handing it out, just that if it's asked for then beware. LOL. The truth may sometimes hurt, but the sting only lasts a second. The sting from a lie can linger forever. That doesn't mean I won't go out of my way to be tactful, but there are times when blunt honesty is needed. Rayne and Steel can both vouch for that. Rayne's favorite line is "must you raine on my parade...again?" Ultimately my opinion doesn't matter, a person is going to do what he/she wants. I'm just serving up food for thought. Like my next topic...
Sexual activity. I'm not the one to say everyone should wait for marriage, because the reality is people will do as they please. I commend those who want to wait, and I don't pass judgment on those who choose to partake in the act. My philosophy is own it. Measure and weigh your options and when you've chosen, stand behind it. If you've found error in your decision, rectify it and move on. Example...I have a few friends who have been sexually active and have now decided they'd rather be celibate until they're in a lasting relationship. The rest of us don't care either way. What we find annoying is how a few of the few are always harping on those who continue to be sexually active. I guess it boils down to me not being able to tolerate hypocrites...
There's a certain someone who is fighting an internal battle right now. This person is a 20something virgin. I think it's great. The pressure of dating someone who is older and experienced might be getting to them. The problem that weighs heavy on their mind is, will their partner go elsewhere for what they're not getting in the relationship. I almost screamed when they asked me that question!! This is what I said: I'm not saying it's going to be easy on the person who has been sexually active, but they'll learn to deal with it because you should mean more to them than sex. A relationship should consist of two people who respect and value one another. Learning things about/from eachother. Sex is a purely physical act when there is no substance behind it. What goes into the act is what's of true importance. A relationship should build up to the coming together of two people who are bound spiritually, not built around the act of sex alone. When I use the word spiritually, I am referring to the "non-tangible" definition...not the def. relating to God and all that is sacred. I decided to clarify myself because I recognize that pre-marital sex is a controversial subject for some people. My using the word "spiritually" in conjunction with what may be pre-marital sex may seem blasphemous.
I'll end with these: 'Marry the person with whom you have never-ending conversations, because when outer beauty fades and old age sets in, they'll continue to intrigue you with their words.' I'm sure that's horribly paraphrased, but I think it gets the point across. And second, is a quote I used in a previous blog entry: "A person who's sure, wouldn't ask the question." It's fitting to end with that because it rings so true.
LMLYA,
Lady Scorpio
Pressed by a Fairie // 9:14 PM
Good morning! It is 4:26 am on a Saturday morning. Of course, I haven't gone to bed so it's still Friday for me. Please keep that in mind while reading. I will probably say "tonight" and "yesterday" and they won't seem to correspond with the time that's stamped on this entry...
So yesterday was the most uneventful day I've had in a while!! That's the reason I didn't update the blog. I didn't want to waste time writing, "Nothing happened today worth writing about." Today I had a great day. It's Spring Break so Mouth, LJ, and I decided we'd hang out--buy cookie dough, rent movies and order pizza. Mouth ended up having to do something with her family, so I slept until 2 PMish. Woke up and decided I'd hang out with Ry and Geoff today. We had the best time!!! Laughter is definitely the best medicine. Ryan by himself is a geniusly witty and humorous kid, but paired w/ Geoff, you'll need an oxygen tank! We got together around 7ish and I didn't break away from them until about midnight.
I gave into my craving for a Whataburger (Texas folks know what it's about) chocolate chip cookie. I made a quick stop there and was once again on my way home. When I got to the light in font of our corner 7-11 I decided to throw away the "evidence" otherwise my sister would've gotten on me for not bring her one. As I was reversing, Licious was pulling in. I thought I was seeing things, because she doesn't live anywhere close to my area. Then she and Erica popped out. Erica is Ryan's girlfriend. We laughed and hugged hello. Lici went in for her cancer sticks and when she came out we all started jabbering like we ladies do. We decided to just come on down to my house and hang out. We had the best time. We caught up on what's what in our lives. Seems like Lici has made another conquest. She's a trip, for real! Gotta Love HER!!!!!! So I guess the point of all this writing is to say I love some of the people I've met here in Florida. I love that I have friends who also happen to be a couple, and can hang out with each separately. Most couples can't handle the other partner's friends. They usually just tolerate them, but not these two. I met Ryan when he came to work at the theater with us. He got with Erica and she just fell into place. I know I talk about those closest to me and her name is never mentioned. Mainly because I've only known her for about 8 months and we rarely hang out. I tolerate Mouth's boyfriend most of the time. On occasion he's actually kind of cool, then he does or says something negative to Mouth and I slip into "detest" mode. *How do you like that Steel? Borrowed your word* Then there's LJ and JD. I guess the point I am trying to make, is that there is never an awkward feeling when I hang out with Ryan and Erica and other people. But sometimes there's awkwardness when I get together with other of my coupled friends even in a group setting.
I'm just really pleased at the way my mother raised me. That's what I learned today. That I truly enjoy being me, even when I'm having a down in the dirt day. I hung out with my guy friends today. Did "guy" things and then I was able to spontaneously switch gears and hang out with the "girls" and jump into girl talk. We're all so different too. We have an early 80's punkish chick, a straight-laced one, "Gretchen Wilson", the naive one, the disillusioned one, skater boys, the jock, the brain, and everyone in between. I'd say I have a nicely mixed group of friends...Night..er..Morning...Afternoon (in Afghanistan).
Ileana
Pressed by a Fairie // 4:26 AM
Tonight I hung out with Ryan, Erica (Ry's gal), and Donald. We went and shot some pool. Ryan and I are the two better players of the four...and that's not saying much! LOL. So we decided to do guys against girls. Erica and I are presently undefeated! We went 3-0. Which SERIOUSLY says nothing about Ryan, because he ranks up there with the Beast!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Okay, done gloating. Nothing else popped off today. I am feeling a bit better. Still feeling madd pain, but I'm already used to it so...keeping this short and sweet. I'm off to bed! Night
~Champion~
Pressed by a Fairie // 11:53 PM
If you read the first blog entry, then you know I have Crohn's disease. I made plenty of hospital visits in 2004 to get the stupid thing under control. I borrowed the title of this entry from an email my friend Ryan sent to me during one of those visits. Today I had a flare up. Which, aside from the fierce stabbing pain in my right ab area, usually (for me) consists of nausea, fever, slight dehydration, pain from my knees down, and trouble breathing. The trouble breathing stems from the severe pain. It literally takes my breath away! It seriously renders me immobile for the length of the flare up. What a way to spend the day huh? Luckily this one wasn't as bad as others. I was able to get up and walk around 4pm. A flare up can occur for any number of reasons. It's closely related to what a person might have eaten. Apparently Crohn's patients have a low to no tolerance for dairy products (to name one of the MANY!). I've been able to tolerate dairy just fine. I think it's because there's never been much dairy in my diet, so nothing changed when I was diagnosed. However, last night we had Parmesan encrusted pork tenderloin, some type of alfredo noodle thing (mayo and more cheese), and garlic butter toast. We're thinking my system had an overload of dairy and that's the source of the flare up. Other than a bowl of chicken broth, I've had nothing else to eat all day. Do you have any idea how painful it is to watch tv when you're not allowed to eat anything but broth?? Pizza Hut, McDonalds, Wendy's, Outback Steakhouse, Olive Garden, all advertising their delicious food...food I can't eat for at least a week. I think I'll just listen to the radio for the duration of my fast!!!! On the serious side, I am a little worried. The next step from trying to control this disease with meds is to have surgery. They'd go in and remove the diseased portion of my intestine. It's a really small piece that has been resistant to the meds...but there's always a chance that the Crohn's will come back. Actually, I read somewhere that it returns in 2 out of 3 people. Usually it manages to stave off for about 2-3 years. Then you have to decide if you want to have the surgery again, or try more/new meds. Grrrr!!!!!!!
**Rayne, I may not be online tomorrow either, so if you need me get at the ogo or the cell. Love Ya**
Beautiful_Musiq
Pressed by a Fairie // 11:59 PM
On this day, 17 years ago, my Grandmother passed away. Today we collectively show her what we individually show her every day. We acknowledge that she is no longer with us and that our love for her still goes strong. Her life lessons continue to be passed down through the generations. In essence, she lives on to day. Every time someone speaks her name and shares the knowledge she bestowed upon them, Maria Emilia Perez thrives. She still makes people laugh, cry, want to excel, find the truth, fight for injustice, and be the best human possible. I'll share something about my Grandmother that my mother shared with me. There are a few people who remember my Grandmother every holiday season. These people are virtual strangers to her. They met her one (of the many) Christmas Eve. They were alone, without family or friends and she pulled them in off of the street (literally). For one night, they got to enjoy A Perez Christmas. An abundance of great food, deep laughter, loud music, radiant joy, and unconditional love. In her words, "No one, should be alone for the holidays. Sin condiciones" (without conditions)! She didn't know if the person across the street she yelled "come on in" to was homeless, a junkie, a lost soul, someone rich in money but not in love or happiness and she didn't care. She followed the golden rule, and when she implemented the golden rule, she always left an even richer luster in it's wake. I was privileged to have been able to spend seven years of my life with one of God's Earth Angels. She is who I strive to be every day. God saw the job she was doing down here and decided He could better use her by His side. Now she watches over us all. Next to God, I live my life hoping that every action I take will enable her to be proud of me. I love you Grandma.
Love Always, Ileana Monique
Pressed by a Fairie // 12:53 AM
Have I ever explained where my nickname "Raine" stems from? Well, my truest friend, who I refer to as "Rayne" came up with the idea. She and I are sooooo alike. We went to h.s. together, I was 2 years ahead of her. Miss Metting's class is where we met, some time before I graduated. Remember the taco runs she'd let us do (talking OFF-campus)??? How awesome was that?!?!?! LMBO!! We became associates. We'd say hi and bye if we saw eachother around school. It wasn't until I was out of h.s. and started dating "X" that we began talking more. Mainly because X played football and she not only knew him, but was a trainer. I emailed her one day to see how life was treating her. Our friendship blossomed from there. I moved to Florida and she moved to Atlanta for school. We talked more and more everyday via IMs. We quickly noticed that we think along the same lines--ALL THE TIME! We go all day without speaking and the minute we talk we bring up the same topic. Be it a certain music artist, the gossip from back home, something we saw... We're constantly saying "get out of my head!" Any way, so she said that since we are so in sync to one another, like twins, we should have twin names. We went through all sorts of names. Including the ones that rhyme--Veronika and Monica, Stacy and Tracey, etc.. We didn't like those at all. Next was to find a name that was basically the same, but had different spelling. Raine and Rayne was born. Raine/Rayne; a varient of Reine which is french for "queen". We think highly of ourselves and eachother, so the names stuck!
With all of that out of the way...Rayne accused me of adding the quote, "Friendship is love minus sex and plus reason. Love is friendship plus sex and minus reason." to my blog to target her and the situation she's in now. I simply stated that if she felt it was meant for her, then she needs to figure out why. She asked me to explain my interpretation of it. All I said is that love stems from friendship and when you're in love, all reason seems to go out the window. Things you thought you'd never do or try seem appealing to you. She asked about the sex part and I said the quote is meant for the NON Bed Buddies, homie/lover/friends...True friendship usually doesn't revolve around sex. You don't need to know or are curious to know how compatible you are in bed with your friend because it's not detrimental the relationship. Where as when you're in love, there are only so many ways to express your love and emotions before you feel like you're going to explode. That's where sex comes in, another way to show your love and emotions. Moving on, she did pay me a most awesome compliment...Rayne: have you ever looked into journalism as a career choice? I see you in a Carrie Bradshaw role (<---Sex in the City reference). Just yesterday I was thinking about taking classes that will move me in position to become a writer. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Any way, A friend emailed me the other day and the core of the email surrounded their uncertainty where relationships are concerned. I won't go into their concern, because I am going to post my reply and you can gather what the email was about...
The great thing about being human is that we are all different. We all have something unique to offer the world and others. I think it's great to want to find someone who matches your personality and shares your interests in all facets of life, but I don't think it should be a requirement. If you meet someone who is like you in every single way, what do you learn from each other? What can that person show you that you've not already seen and vice versa? Where will the spontaneity, long conversations, expansion of knowledge, disagreements, arguments, etc...come from? The birds of a feather that flock together, can take first steps towards something new together...but what if one is afraid of the outcome. The other person can't say, "Trust me. I've done it. I've been there. There is nothing to fear." because they haven't. Leaving the possibility for growth stunted.
In no way do I feel we should abandon our standards or beliefs, just that we should leave ourselves open to new experiences. Whether we try something new or meet someone different and walk away with friendship, a broken heart, or no friendship at all, we still walk away with newfound knowledge. Maybe you learn something that changes your perspective in life. Maybe you walk away reaffirming some ideas you already had. And maybe, just maybe, you learn something new about yourself. Being stationary in an area you've grown up in and not reaching out isn't the only way to watch life pass you by. Being afraid to take chances, try new things, and always giving in to uncertainty is a sure fire way to watch life go by also. As you said,"It’s important to be proactive and do everything in one’s power to forge one’s own destiny."
Well, that's all from me for now.
~Princessa Ileana~
P.S. Steel called me today! Just got off the phone with him before starting this entry! He's the one in Afghanistan. It was sooo great to hear his voice and know that he's okay. He thinks he's catching a cold (who isn't) but other than that things are looking good. Alot of the people from his unit that got sent out there in Oct. are already back home. He's due for his leave come April/May, but they're home for good. So he's hoping he'll be sent home for good too. Keep him in your prayers please. Love you Steel.
Pressed by a Fairie // 10:43 PM
Today my emotions have run the gamut. I woke this afternoon and after my morning toiletries I checked my email. There I found an email from Steel, and boy did he write. He's over in Afghanistan right now so long emails are a delicacy akin to fine wine or caviar...He wrote some really nice things about me and I think I'll post an excerpt...:
"...Your friendship means so much to me and no matter where you find yourself in life, I will always be your shield. I will be the one that may not always agree with your actions (and vice versa...Lord hammercy vice versa...) but no matter what, I'll never be the one to leave your side. You're genuine...real, and you have no idea how much I appreciate that about you. Never change Ileana, never change."
Here I am tearing up again. My friends and I always let each other know where we stand all the time, but Steel and I've only known each other six months, and to read that and be smacked with the sincerity is...well...humbling. It's great to get back what I always put out. So you can imagine I was riding a wave and feeling pretty high.
Change gon' come...
I heard the song, Wish I Wasn't by Heather Headley, coming from my phone and knew The Beast was calling. I just let the phone ring. I wasn't up for talking to him. Truthfully, I didn't want to deal with the feelings that arise when we speak. We're intertwined so closely, that we've actually felt when something is wrong with the other person. I've been thinking about him on and off all day. Feeling a little sad. So when the phone rang I was afraid it would be bad news. It was. Beast's aunt went in for surgery for a polyp on her spinal cord. It has slowly deteriorated her mobile skills. She got an infection of some kind during or after the surgery and has been in a vegetative state since. She's being kept alive by a breathing tube. He thinks the family will pull the plug before the night is over. Just hearing the Beast repeat the story had me in tears. Not because I knew his aunt, but because I was feeling his pain. I was crying the tears he refuses to shed. He won't say the situation sucks and is unfair, because he knows life isn't fair and to point it out would be moot. He'll wrestle with that for a while though. Eventually he'll utter the words. He'll say it's not fair that a young woman was taken away from her family with so much still to do. He'll mourn his aunt in his own quiet way. If he decides she deserves more from him, he'll give me a call. He'll tell me stories about her. He'll purge. He'll open himself up to me and for the briefest moment, he'll allow himself to be vulnerable. I in turn, will be his strength. Our bond is one that will probably out-live us!
**God be with Marciece and his family in their time of need. I believe in You and all that You do. An angel is going home tonight. Guide her and keep her soul. In Your name I ask these things. Amen**
~Su criado humilde~
Ileana
Pressed by a Fairie // 10:40 PM
