Monday, August 25, 2008
Freedom Current mood: romantic Category: Romance and Relationships His love covers me like a second skin. Its protection from the storms life will bring our way and it's the salve applied afterwards that will be life sustaining. Like a Superwoman Cape, his love surrounds me when I am away from home-away from him. It allows me the freedom to be me in my purest form. I leave my home with my hair stuffed in a cap, ashy knees, and stubbly legs and it doesn't phase me one bit. The best part of it all is that it doesn't phase him either!
His love is better than any bronzer out there right now ladies…the glow that radiates through me is so powerful that people have made comments about it. My smile is infectious in that both men and women are afflicted. They say my eyes damn near twinkle and my smile is deer-in-the-headlights blinding. Really? Really?
I'm baffled when they ask, what's the secret?
Truth is, I take (3) Doses of My Husband a day:
The first is a healthy dose of My Husband in the morning-now sometimes it goes down smooth and other times it's as bitter as hot beer, but its not something you can skip otherwise you may not enjoy your next (2) doses!
The next is just a quick dose of My Husband-this is usually a pick-me-upper in the middle of the day -an escape from the monotony of the day. To make it to the next dose and the end of the day this dose must not be skipped either!
The last dose of My Husband is the best dose of the day-this is usually the dose that helps get the worries off of your mind. You can put your feet up and just unwind and this dose will take care of you until the morning…
…And then it's time to do it all over again.
Signed,
Truly, Madly, Deeply, Dangerously in Love
April 09, 2009Current Mood: ContentCategory: Romance and Relationships Boy did the year start of with a bang!!! The MLK march saw its biggest turn out (and best weather day) ever, Obama took the white house, and we celebrated ONE full year of marriage. Majie turned 3 and she's as smart as can be. I abso adore her!
Ileana
Pressed by a Fairie // 7:02 PM
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Heavy Subject Matter Current mood: stressed Category: Life"Just because the pounds went away ... doesn't mean any of the body complexes went away."
- Josh Peck from Nickelodeon's Josh & Drake who lost over 100lbs.
For the last year and a half I've been trying to explain that to people! I never thought to put it quite like that and its such a simple statement.
I went from 242 lbs. to my current weight of 136 lbs. Everyone who sees me says the same thing, "Wow, you look great!" In my head I start thinking of the things that could use some work and some times I voice those feelings. The usual response is a scoff and a light, "Oh please..." which only frustrates the shit out of me but has opened my eyes to other things. Yes, I lost over 100 lbs., but what do you think happens to your skin when you lose that much weight so quickly? My arms are loose and flabby and even with working them out they don't seem to be tightening up (although when I flex there's a lil suttin suttin there LOL). Too many years full of extra weight. I have the same problem with my thighs. I JUST recently began wearing tanks and sleeveless shirts in public (depends on where I'm going) and I won't wear shorts that hit higher than just above the knee for the same reason. I won't even get started on how my belly looks with its 9 inch scar and loose skin. The truth is that just because someone is 150 lbs or less doesn't mean they're 100% happy with themselves. It doesn't mean they don't have problem areas or things they'd like to improve on. No one should just blow off someone's feelings because they don't have the same (weight) problems. The GREAT thing is that we can use those things people confide in us to help motivate one another to be the best ME/YOU/HER/ HIM we can be.
Bottom line is that at 242 lbs. my focus was getting down to a healthier weight, but I didn't put much effort into it. As long as there were places for me to shop, losing weight wasn't too high on my list. Crohn's Disease and being hospitalized almost every 3-4 months for the first 2 years of my disease is what pushed my weight down. Then I had to change they way I ate and what I ate which helped me get rid of even more weight. I can honestly say that if I didn't HAVE to eat properly (which I still don't do 100% of the time), I'd be back in size 16/18 real quick. As it is, I currently fluxuate between 132 lbs. & 146 lbs. That's almost 20 lbs!!! That's alot of fucking weight and ppl say, "so what, you wear it well" or "you look fine", but I don't feel fine. My knees start to hurt, my lower back pain return, and NONE of my clothes fit properly. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I may be a size 8 but a plus-size 18 lives inside of me...
If you got this far, I thank you and hope you found something to take away from this little rant.
Ileana
Pressed by a Fairie // 7:01 PM
Monday, June 02, 2008
What’s it Like...? Current mood: a little downCategory: Life I hurt everytime he leaves. I can't administer aid to this wound. There's no topical ointment that can be applied for it's the worst kind of pain. It's internal. It's deep within my soul where he lives. Where he's taken over...
I wait for him at the airport like a child awaiting St. Nick and when I see him, when our eyes lock, the world and everyone in it fades away. There is only him. He smiles at me and I release the pent up breath I didn't realize I was holding. My feet begin to cut a path through the crowd of people, they know their way home. My body is vibrating-it's a wonder I can walk at all. Then like that, he's in front of me, pulling me into him and I relax. I breathe him in and every nerve in body is calmed. It's Heaven when I am picking him up...
I drag my feet when the time begins to draw near. I want to absorb as much time with him because our time is drawing to a close. My heart aches with each item he places in his suitcase. We have a 5 hour trip ahead of us, these last few hours will have to last us the next three months. He's offered to drive so I hop in the truck and put his leaving on the back burner. We talk, we laugh, we hold on to each other in silence. We've created some memories that will one day make us laugh hysterically and embarrass the hell out of our kids, but it's what we do. We arrive at the airport and suddenly I can't breathe again. My hearing starts to fade out and the only thing I can hear is my heart beating. This is it. We exit the truck and I immediately reach for his bags. Anything I can do to keep from looking at him. Anything to keep my mind occupied. Anything to avoid breaking down. It's Hell when I am dropping him off...Monday, June 02, 2008
Current Mood: Contemplative Category: Blogging
...so I woke up this morning and silently wished my husband a Happy 5 months married. Then I began to think about our history and our future and I came to this conclusion:
Since Chris and I only dated for 4 months, EIGHT years ago, we have a pretty solid chance of seeing this thing through to the "...'til death do us part..." thingy. We have a solid foundation. We've been friends for 8 years. We shared some of our darkests moments and we've celebrated each other's highs (not like that!). We can stand to be around one another for an extended period of time w/o wanting to kill the other person (usually =) ) Really though, we're JUST now getting to go out on dates, leave silly messages, have minor disagreements that sometimes (alot of time) turn into heated debates...we're learning eachother. And since we are just learning, everything we do and experience is new and fresh. We view ourselves as a couple who is a bit off of the beaten path and we like it like that. Maybe its not so much that we're odd, maybe we've really got this figured out...is that even possible?...
Eh, just felt like writing. If you got this far, THANKS =)
Mrs. Brazil
Pressed by a Fairie // 6:59 PM
I forgot all about my original blog spot. I am going to attempt to update this all in a few shots. So bear with me, some of these may turn out very long...but they're two in one...
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Marriage Quotes... Current mood: loved Category: Romance and RelationshipsThose of you who know me best know that I have a few notebooks filled with quotes on topics from friendship to love to heartbreak and life in general...today I decided to look for quotes that pertain to marriage and here are the ones I will be adding to my new quote book...please enjoy.
"In marriage we marry a mystery, an other, a counterpart. In a sense the person we marry is a stranger about whom we have a magnificent hunch. The person we choose to marry is someone we love, but his depths, her intimate intricacies - we will come to know only in the long unraveling of time. We know enough about our beloved to know that we love him, to imagine that, as time goes on, we will come to enjoy her even more, become even more of ourselves in her presence. To our knowledge we add our willingness to embark on the journey of getting to know him, of coming to see her, even so wonderfully more.Swept up by attraction, attention, fantasy, hope, and a certain happy measure of recognition, we agree to come together for the mysterious future, to see where the journey will take us. This companionship on life's journey is the hallmark of marriage, its natural province, its sweetest and most primal gift.In promising always, we promise each other time. We promise to exercise our love, to stretch it large enough to embrace the unforeseen realities of the future. We promise to learn to love beyond the level of our instincts and inclinations, to love in foul weather as well as good, In hard times as well as when we are exhilarated by the pleasures of romance.We change because of these promises. We shape ourselves according to them; we live in their midst and live differently because of them. We feel protected because of them. We try some things and resist trying others because, having promised, we feel secure. Marriage, the bond, makes us free to see, to be, to love. Our souls are protected; our hearts have come home."Daphne Rose Kingma
"When one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond pearls. Her husband entrusting his heart to her, has an unfailing prize." Proverbs 31:10-11
"Two hearts that have been merged is marriage; two souls that have been merged is fate." Source Unknown
"Marriage may be made in heaven, but the maintenance must be done on earth." Source Unknown
"Love me without fear. Trust me without wondering.Love me without restrictions.Want me without demand. Accept me how I am. A love like that, will be eternal!" Source Unknown
"Marriage is made in heaven, but so is thunder and lightning."Anonymous
"As our Pastor stated at the wedding ceremony: 'Don't ever stop dating your wife.' and 'Don't ever stop flirting with your husband.'" Pastor Kochel
"I want you around in the morning and I want to know you're legally required to be there." Michelle Pfiefer in the movie, "Up Close and Personal"
"A man sees himself through the eyes of the women he loves." Source Unknown
"The grass is not greener on the other side, you just have to water your own." Source Unknown
"A successful marriage requires fallings in love many times, always with the same person." Source Unknown
"The challenge in love is not igniting the flame, but in keeping the flame burning through the darkest times." Source Unknown
"Missing you is my hobby, caring for you is my job, making you happy is my duty, and loving you is my life." Source Unknown
"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages." Friedrich Nietzsche
"'Where's home for you?' a stranger asked a fellow traveler. 'Wherever she is,' came the reply, as the man pointed at his wife." Source Unknown
"I would rather fight with you than make love to anyone else." from the movie The Wedding Date
"What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined together to strengthen each other in all labour, to minister to each other in all sorrow, to share with each other in all gladness, to be one with each other in the silent unspoken memories." George Elliot
"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more; that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds." from the The Notebook
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Just feel like writing... Current mood: vibrant Category: Romance and Relationships ...not sure about what but here goes...
He gets me. He truly understands me and where I’m coming from. Even the things I do and say that irk the shit out of him are okay because he loves me. He loves me simply because I love him. That’s the best part of us. The easy acceptance and open communication. Knowing that no matter what either of us does or says the other person will not walk away. That we’ll stay and we’ll listen and we’ll watch and we’ll continue to love one another. We understand that hard times will come. The purpose will be to strengthen our bond. We know that we’ll have moments of miscommunication that may test us and push us to our limits, but without them we’ll not be able to appreciate all that is wonderful in our life.
I can’t remember a time when I looked forward to being a mom; not just having a baby, but having Chris’ baby. The joy and anticipation I have for that moment is beyond measure...I think my great friend Laura-Jean can be credited with giving me or rather with showing me how wonderful and exciting a new life can be. Her joy and enthusiasm could make anyone yearn to experience motherhood. Best wishes and kudos to you Mrs. Bowers.
He’s silly, argumentative, smart, passionate, aggravating, playful, charming, stubborn, peaceful, loyal, protective, adventurous, loving, easy-going, mischievous, talkative, affectionate, chivalrous, comedic, witty, sensitive, intuitive...the list is endless really. Every day is something new with him. Every day I learn something new about myself through him. Finally, my mate is with my soul.
(Concluded: 12:21 AM) Now I can add a category...
Pressed by a Fairie // 6:51 PM
I'm going to the Chapel...
and I am gonna get MARRIED!!! I know, I KNOW! I said I'd never marry. I remember quite well how adamant I was about that. But that was then...that was before Chris and I rediscovered each other. Chris (Brazil) also known in past entries as "X" are getting married! We haven't set a date, but I'll keep y'all posted. He's always been the one and I believe that somewhere in the back of my mind I knew we'd be together. We're two years apart, with me leading in age, and back then that gap was an issue. My age wasn't the issue, but our maturity levels. He needed growing up and I needed to find myself. We went two years with ZERO communication. There was an argument and I decided to just let it go. I needed to know if we'd get back to where we were back then. Was he my meant to be? As you know, I moved back to Texas a year and a month ago. (This would've been our third year w/ no communication). In Feb. of this year he called me up. I was at work at the time so I missed his calls. When I was able to check my phone, I noticed a few missed calls from a number I didn't recognize. I dial back and this guy answers. I ask if anyone was calling for an Ileana from that number. And he introduced himself. I was in mild shock. Speechless actually. Which, if you know me, you know it isn't an every day occurrence. We caught up on what's new and that's when I learned he had just had a baby girl. I was immediately heartbroken (which I later realized was significant). He'd always talked about having a girl child. And there he had her, and she didn't come from me. That's the truth that came to me when I tried to explain my sharp reaction to the news.
Anyway, to keep this long story short...we've been spending a lot of time together. Like, he came and worked for me for a few months, and we survived that. We continued to call each other just to say hi and see what's new. We didn't get "together" mind you. We experienced a true platonic relationship. We were actually pursuing other things from people. Then one night last week were chillin' in my apt. after a night out. We talked about our past. How we experienced those two years with no communication. What part we were to play in each other's life now. We're roots (that's a Madea Goes to Jail reference). We've been through so much together. Not all of our ups and downs we experienced together, but we've been through enough to know that we'll each stick even when crap gets gully. We balance each other and only wants what's best for each other. Don't misunderstand, I don't mean we both want what's best to make this work, but the best for us as individuals. If we invest in each other as single parts of a unit, then we can and will continue to grow and find things that stimulate our senses and captures our minds. We love unconditionally. So I'm not giving him his first born daughter (child), but I will be his only wife, because (to quote a friend) we love hard. And because (to quote a favorite song title) I am ready for love.
Love,
~Soon to be "The Married One"~
Pressed by a Fairie // 12:39 PM
Hello World! I am back in Florida for a few days. Actually, I've been here since Tuesday. I'll be leaving on Thursday. I know, how the heck did this chic not only manage ONE week-long trip to Fl but a SECOND (9 day trip) and hasn't been with the company longer than 6 months. Connects baby. LOL, I wish that were true. Fact of the matter is that both times have been to stand with my family in a show of solidarity for my sister at court. Some of you may remember that 15 months ago there was an accident and things went wrong. Well, here's a recap of some things. While I lived here we made the trip to court twice only to have the sentencing postponed twice. I moved back to Texas in July and came back in Sept. for yet another opportunity to end this nightmare we've been going through. My trip was wasted in that sense, for there was another continuance. At which time my family fired our attorney for her negligence and lack of urgency in the matter. We later found out she was shady as can be. My mother took actions to have her investigated and we've found we're not the only family she's forgotten to show up to court for and a slew of other things. She's currently suspended from practicing law and may be dibarred pending the results of the investigation. My family hired another attorney who turned out to be a God send. They returned phone calls (even if they were late at night), answered all of the ques. my sister threw their way, kept us abreast of their progress and when they were having troubles. Basically, they eased my fam's mind. They were getting the job done. A fourth court date was set for Jan. of 2006. I would've taken that trip too, but was told her new attorneys were going to ask for a continuance again so they can be fully prepared. I'm ever thankful for that. 17 years. That's the maximum amount of jail time my sister was facing for the charges against her. I'm happy to report that after an emotional 3 hours in court the judge sentenced her to 2 years of house arrest (no ankle bracelet) and 4 years of probation both to run concurrently. After a year of house arrest she & the atts will go before the judge again. If she's done everything the courts have asked and hasn't violated probation, they will then ask that her 2nd and final year of house arrest be converted into a year of probation instead. Which they say is usually granted. Fingers crossed, though we don't foresee a problem with her. So her 4 years can be cut to 3 years with only one of those under house arrest. She'll be able to attend church, school, and work. All on a schedule of course. She'll also have some time to shop. Any way, if the details seem a little murky, they're supposed to. The only reason for this post is to update and inform those who are closest to me and who know the full story. To them, this all makes sense. It's late and I am going back to bed. This was an impromptu entry. I got up to grab a glass of water cause I was coughing and gravitated towards my sis's pc. G'night all and God Bless. And for those who don't believe in our Lord and the miracles that come from him, what you just read is evidence that He is good and capable. We placed my sister and this accident in His hands. We believed that He would recognize her heart and her soul for what they are. We believed He'd realize her actions weren't out of malice; but confusion and shock. We believed in Him and He carried us through. Amen.Love Always, Musica
Pressed by a Fairie // 3:36 AM
Okay, so here I sit, 14 days later. This lady has been busy! Any way, I hope everyone's V.Day went well. Mine was nice. Nothing overly romantic. Just simple and casual. Any way, as I mentioned in the last entry, I've been dating. Only, I feel like there is something seriously lacking. Don't get me wrong, I haven't been dating guys from clubs/bars..hello!...these have been well established gents. Mostly in their early 30's a few are well established and others are still figuring life out. Neither of which I have anything against. The wind doesn't blow more one way than the other. I don't care if he's living at home or owns his own home. I don't care if he has his own car or rides the bus. As long as I feel that respect, kindness, humor, wit, and trust is being reciprocated, the possibilities are endless.
MOVING ON UP:
Have I mentioned my promotion? I don't think I have....Well, Miss Lea is now an Assistant Manager of a Sears Portrait Studio. We all know I loooove to take pictures, so when my old mngr. from HRC (now the District Manager of a few SPSs) called me up and asked me to come work at one of his SA stores I jumped at the chance. It came with a dollar raise and the opportunity to create beautiful pictures! I began back in Sept. and am proud of how much I've developed in photography and in my person to person skills! It is trying at times...when you have a 5 year old acting like they're 2 and the parents looking at you like it's YOUR job to get them to behave. Grrr...thankfully my promotion will limit the amount of sittings I do since I'll be in charge of making sure everything else going on outside of the camera room is running smoothly. Well, not really, but it's nice to pretend. LOL Oh and the pay...I'm in the double digit range and boy is it lovely! Family of Friends:
Here I am, back in SA after a 2 year hiatus and my friendship with Ida is stronger than ever. I love her like I do my only sister. She's been essential in getting me to thrive here in San Antonio. She volunteered her home (daughter's room...never mind the fact that she doesn't sleep in it) to me for as long as I needed when I came back. She wouldn't let me and come to think of it, I still have to fight with her to let me pay for my food when we go out. She says that she's sure she owes me for something. The truth is she tries to save me money so I won't have to go home. LOL! Though it truly has never gotten to that point, the fact that she cares enough about me to try and do little things moves me beyond words sometimes. Just so we're all clear on one thing, I've demanded that we alternate paying when we go out. Most of the night one of us pays to get in and the other buys the drinks. Any way, she's the one person I know that truly does not judge. Anything I can think of to ask or talk about she's either done it or thought about doing it. I don't have to mince words either. If she asks, I know she wants the truth and she knows she'll get it and vice versa. Any way, I just wanted to shout her out because it's great to recognize those in your life that blur the line of friendship and family.Well folks, that's all for now. Take care of yourself and eachother.~La Isla del Encanto~
Pressed by a Fairie // 3:09 PM
"Let us all hope we're preceeded in this world by a love story."
"Love will enter cloaked in friendship's name."
"Remember, the time for love and a place for love...Anytime, Any place."
"Love is above all, the gift of ones self."
Just thought I would throw some of those out there since this is the month that was designated as the one to shower the ones you love with flowers, candies, and cards. Heck, I actually have a Valentine this year...He's a sweetie...actually he's the longest non-committal relationship I've had in a while. Aside from the four months Keith and I were together that is...I've spent most of my open evenings with this Southern Gentleman (when not w/ Ida & the girls!) I met him some time back in July. Which puts us at one month over the halfway point of a year. We've been going out on dates and everything. We've learned more about one another in the last three weeks than we ever knew. He's deep. Deeper than I gave him credit for at one time. He's a Country Mouse. He lives in the general area in which we used to live. He prefers the slow-pace of the country to the fast-pace of the city. He believes one is only truly free out in the countryside. Those of us who live in the city are essentially imprisoned by the concrete buildings that fill the city. There are no stars to be seen in the city, at least not clearly. In the country it is just you and nature. You hear the night come alive. In the city you hear cars and emergency response vehicles blasting through the night. Crap, I have to leave for work in 15 and am not even close to being ready. I'll finish this up later, so check back for the "extended version" LOL
Pressed by a Fairie // 2:23 PM
Well hello world! It's been a while since my last entry. Life is great. It's taken me longer than I thought to get settled here in Texas. There have been countless nights that I've stayed up crying and feeling hopeless. Like all I am doing is treading water to keep from drowning! All I wanted to do was go back to Florida and be with my family. I've never been one to take them for granted so it wasn't the case of me realizing what I had and wanting it back. It's realizing that I have only me to depend on out here. There's no going to my parent's house when my fridge is empty or crawling into my mom's bed (yes, even at 24) when the feeling of despair creeps over me and I just need her quiet encouragement. Even when Keith was here I was ready to throw in the towel and move back. He made me realize that while it was hard then, things would get easier and every time I said I couldn't do this he'd remind me that I was doing it every day. His strength and positive attitude became mine. Trust me, I've called twice and said I was going back and twice I've called and said I'm staying. The truth is there is nothing for me in Florida. It's not just the fact that I'm a homebody and would never get out and meet people; the town is just not for me. I feel a sense of peace here in San Antonio a sense of belonging. I can't stress enough how much of it is the people. Sure I've come across a few people I'd have like to strangle, but they're everywhere. Any way, my point is, that for the last two weeks I've been the happiest I've been here in San Antonio.
If you're an apt pupil, you'll have noticed when I mentioned Keith I used the past tense. He and I have taken a break from things. I realized that him being here was prohibiting me from dealing with reality. I went from living with my family to living with a boyfriend. I still wasn't on my own. Having him here kept away the loneliness and insecurities. I didn't have to worry about taking out the trash or washing/gassing my car. I didn't have to worry about having enough money for parking for the 2 weeks between paychecks or walking to my car at 2 am (when I got off of work) because he'd drop me off and pick me up. No, I wasn’t using him, I truly love him. He's who I want to be with all of the time. Then there's his ex/baby's mom who was an issue. Any time she was in a bad mood (over our relationship) she'd play the vicious card and would tell him he couldn't call or see his daughter. She was the third person in our relationship. Truth be told she was the one with the control. She'd put him in a bad mood and he'd brood. I'd try to bring him out of the bad mood and he'd try and placate me. It was and will continue to be a strain. I would NEVER dream of asking someone to choose me over their own flesh and blood. I knew if we continued as we were he'd end up resenting me if not blaming me for his lack of communication with his daughter. Ultimately he needs to man up and get a hold of that situation or we'll never make it back to where we were. We're learning how to be friends. It's hard because I came back, pursued him, got him and that was it; we were together. We hadn't established a solid friendship, and as we all know, you can't have a relationship without one. So we see each other at work and find ourselves floundering to hold a convo. It starts out with the usual pleasantries, 'How are you? How are things?' How's work?' etc... Some days we don't even speak. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't almost devastated when we cooled things off. It hurt a lot, but it was my wake up call. This is where I'd find out what I was made of. Could I truly live alone? Could I really come home at night and accept that it's just me and more importantly, could I be happy with that? Learning to truly enjoy my own company has been eye opening and life changing. These last two weeks have been my happiest. I wake up, go to work or putter around the apt. if I'm off and I do it with a smile on my face. As a matter of fact, one of the guys from HRC, who I don't even really know, saw me last week and asked what I had in my Cheerios that morning. I beamed at him and said, "Nothing, I just feel whole and happy." The next day, same thing, someone else noticed my cheery disposition and wanted to know the cause. I sleep, work, read, go out to dinner with friends, and hang out at Ida's and do girl stuff while my laundry washes. I couldn't ask for a better ending to a tumultuous year. Actually that's a lie...
The perfect ending is having my family here with me to celebrate the birth of Christ and ring in the New Year. I am happy to report that at this very minute there is a car, stuffed to the gills with gifts, necessities, 2 dogs, 2 teens, and 2 adults on it's way here to San Antonio!!! Yes folks, my family will be here by the time I get off of work tomorrow!!!! I am so thrilled it tickles me. My tree is up, the lights as well, and there are gifts with their names on them awaiting their arrival. We've never spent a holiday apart and we don't intend to start now. I've already swept and mopped, cleaned the restroom and my room. There isn't one dirty or clean dish out. They're going to be so impressed! LOL. Well, until they open my fridge that is... I have a tub of butter, a jug of kool*aid, a half dz eggs, and jelly in there. We'll need to do some mad grocery shopping. On the upside, my freezer is stocked with a few meats, hamburger patties, chicken tenders, shrimp, and some breakfast stuff. Hey, I'm a bachlorette, what do you expect? The only thing left to do is get my car washed and throw out the trash (damn Keith!) lol!!!
Well, that's all from me for now. I wish EVERYONE out there a wonderfully blessed holiday season. Keep in mind that being blessed means more than the material. Being surrounded by the ones you love and who love you is more important and the true meaning of Christmas. We come together on the 25th of December not to exchange gifts, but to celebrate the life that was sacrificed so that we may live. God is truly great. I challenge each one of you to go out there and do something great for someone else, even if it's a stranger. Pay someone's parking. Grab the door for an over burdened mother carting her kids around. Make eye contact with the homeless person you pass by every day and smile a genuine smile. If you go out to eat and your service is great, ask to speak to the manager and compliment the service (it'll be a welcomed and unexpected change for both parties). Call your parents and thank them for all of the things they've done and continue to do for you. Compliment someone on their outfit or accessories; it'll brighten their day and yours when you see a smile transform their face. These seemingly minute gestures make a world of difference. Peace & Love & HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!~Isla del Encanto~
Pressed by a Fairie // 11:58 PM
A Moment of Truth:
As I sit here searching my mind for something to write, I can't help but find myself thinking about how far I've come and still how far I have to travel on this journey of self-discovery and fulfillment. I look back and realize that while things ended poorly with Steel, I can't say I regret our meeting. We were two people who needed something to believe in at the time. We were in the same place emotionally. We fed each other's needs. I wanted out of Florida and to be doing what I love and to be happily in love. He wanted the same only he wanted out of Afghanistan and S.C. Only now am I realizing that we were a huge contradiction. The one thing he enjoyed about me was my realness, yet I stopped being me to please him. Funny how the "realness" he was falling for and seeing was my fascade. I curse and I drink and I enjoy being in the company of my friends who smoke pot. Yet when we spoke, whether via phone or net, I never cursed (or at least tried not to) and I didn't speak (much) about going out and having a few rounds. I kept that part of myself from him. I realize now that I was unintentionally leading him on. That part I regret because now we don't even speak and he's a great guy. Here is my closure. I hope that he finds someone equally as devoted to religion and shares in his interests. I hope he finds happiness with a woman who deserves him.
Keith. Those five letters make up the name of the man that I am falling in love with more and more each day. I'm 100% real with him and he's 103% fine with who I am and vice versa. He doesn't drink, but goes to the bars with me any way because while it's not his thing, he knows it's mine and its time we get to share together. He smokes, which I totally am against, but who he is, far outweighs that one bad habit. It's equally important and appreciated that he's not a heavy smoker and he always has something on him that takes the smoker's taste from him. He curses too. Not heavily, but there are times when our conversations are lightly peppered with profanity that neither of us bats an eye at. It's truly my pleasure kissing him. He's big and strong and sensitive. There are times when I just sit and stare at the marvel that is Keith. Did I mention he's full of surprises and knowledge and humor? Just waking up next to him is a fantastic feeling, because I know that it's another day I get to share with him. There'll be stories and jokes and serious moments. He looks at me sometimes like he can't believe I'm his. I feel the same way. I wonder what on Earth I did to fall into his company. Just today, we were driving and the sun hit my eyes so I pulled down my visor. I felt him looking at me so I turned and looked at him. He just started cheesing and I asked, 'what?' He says, "Nothing...you're just so Puerto Rican, it's great looking at you." Talk about melting. He's a man's man with out all the machismo. He's also a kid at heart. At this very moment he's playing the Xbox. I can't lie though, the game he's playing goes HARD! LOL. Any way, have I mentioned my adventures in the kitchen? No, this is not a segue into some kinky sex story...I've actually been cooking. I've cooked 6 meals so far. The first was Chalupas from scratch. The second was spaghetti and garlic bread, third was pork chops, rice, beans, and a salad. The fourth meal was boneless, skinless, chicken breasts, mac n cheese and mashed potatoes. The fifth meal was actually baked pork chops and something…but that was Keith's doing (YUM!). The sixth meal was steak in salsa, rice and a salad. This last meal, cooked today, was fried cube steak-dipped in eggs and then in an Italian breadcrumb and flour mix, rice and beans and platanos. MMMmmmmmmmmmmm. In between those six meals A LOT of Whataburger has been consumed. I'm talking A-L-O-T! We've even hit up Taco Cabana (Texas Thang) and Wendy's. Chili's, Applebee's, Chipotle and Carrabbas have been tagged a few times as well. MMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmm Xs 2. Any way, it's getting late and while one of us doesn't have to work tomorrow and one of us got called in, I need to start getting ready for bed. I know, I know it's only 9:30 in the p.m. but there are some things I'd like to get out of and into before heading to bed. Have a peaceful night all and if I don't get back here before the holidays, Happy Thanksgiving folks.
Lovely, Lady Musiq
Pressed by a Fairie // 9:32 PM
